


if i never see you again

by narutomaki



Category: Naruto
Genre: Hatake Sakumo - Freeform, M/M, Temporary Character Death, bcus his appearance is like. 1 paragraph, emotionally repressed Kakashi, mutual love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:46:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23567053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/narutomaki/pseuds/narutomaki
Summary: I don’t want to die without you knowing.--Gai's affectionate but also really really in love.ORWhat happens when it's really said.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Maito Gai | Might Guy
Comments: 5
Kudos: 83





	if i never see you again

The first time it happens Kakashi isn’t all that surprised, Gai was affectionate and loud about it. Some might say overly so.

Eternal rivals though, Kakashi was pretty sure, did not also make proclamations of love upon completion of another challenge.

Alright, maybe not proclamation so much as he had yelled “love you, Kakashi!” as he ran (on his hands) back into the village down the mountain path. And maybe not surprised was also incorrect; he had been stunned silent and still for a brief moment, his hand dropping back down to his side as he blinked, mouth open the briefest amount behind his mask as his brain struggled to connect the pieces. However when he regained himself he figured the development was not all that surprising, not all that unexpected, and was explained away by the fact Gai had said he loved Asuma last week when he paid for dinner. It was just something he said!

The second time it happened Kakashi had been topless and in swim shorts, Gai wet and panting on the ground next to him had said “oh bright flame of eternal youth how I adore you”. Gai got to see this time, how Kakashi’s eye had widened and swung around to stare at him. But he only smiled and flashed a thumbs up before going back to dragging in heaving breaths to try and feel like he wasn’t drowning.

Swimming had never been Gai’s specialty, but neither of them had seemed to expect how at ease Kakashi was in the water how quickly he had overtaken Gai in the race. But Kakashi said nothing in the end, and went to grab the towels Gai had announced were stashed at the finish line earlier; so at least they could be a little less wet while they both regained their strength.

The third time, Gai had dragged him away on another challenge without announcing what it was. Running them hand in struggling hand to a small and empty training ground out in a thick thatch of trees. When they had stopped Gai had turned to Kakashi and, for a moment all was quiet even their breath silent in trained harmony with the world around them.

“Kakashi, my eternal rival,” Gai had begun, his voice low and soft. “We have known each other for so long, and you mean more to me each and every time I see you.”

Kakashi had swallowed loudly, but not protested as Gai had taken his other hand.

“We are both squad leaders now, and I am so proud of you for taking up this honoured tradition! For becoming a teacher to the next generation.”

Kakashi had begun having trouble breathing, as he had looked into Gai's eyes, gripping their hands together and shaking a bit as the other had continued.

“Every day, as well; I become more and more aware of the inevitable onward march of time; of how much I despair each day you go on a mission how this time you may not come back from.” Gai had paused, and for a man so exuberant it was weird to see him so still- to take a grounding breath when he had always been so confident. “Kakashi, I can not let this go on longer than today without telling you.”

When he had paused for too long Kakashi dug and found the spark inside him somewhere to ask; “Tell me what, Gai?”  
“I love you.” His voice had turned soft, contained in itself as he had given Kakashi’s tense hands a gentle squeeze. “I love you more and more every day, and I can’t let you-” His eyes had turned glassy with tears, and Kakashi for a heart stopping moment had wanted to tug away. “I can’t let you _die_ without you knowing this; _I love you_.”  
He had stepped closer.  
“I love you.”  
Stepped closed until their hands had been caught between their chests, and they could feel the others beating heart.

“And I don’t think I ever won’t.” His breath had made Kakashi hyper-aware of his mask, the soft click of Gai’s forehead pressing to Kakashi’s headband brought the world than into a resounding- terrifying- clarity, and the only place Kakashi could look had been into Gai’s eyes. “If you never feel this way, if you don’t think you ever can, just push me away and we’ll go back to the village like this never happened.”

“Who would we say won?” Gai had yanked his head back, a belting belly laugh echoing into the woods and scaring off the wildlife that gathered around that place, he had pulled up his arm to laugh into his elbow, and Kakashi had smiled as Gai desperately tried to reign in his chuckles. “Because I feel like I’m winning right now.” Gai looked back, and his face had been beaming so brightly, holding tighter to Kakashi’s hands.

“You do, do you?” And Kakashi had never been one to think Gai could look _smug_ of all things, but there it had been, an unfamiliar tug on his lips with the tilt of his eyebrows making Kakashi’s stomach do weird and unfamiliar flips.

“Of course, I don’t see how a long coming confession from the Blue Beast of the Leaf would feel like anything but winning.”

“Long coming, Kakashi! Please! I have never let on that I have felt anything other than the fire of our eternal rivalry!”

Kakashi  had  tilted his head and smiled with his eye, and held Gai’s hands a little tighter. The words  that had gathered behind his lips had rang siren bells in his mind and every instinct he had said  _pull away back out not now not ever I can’t hurt like that again_ ,  and so pleased he had been that  he  had ignored it, pulled one hand away to tug his mask  from his face , and press a soft kiss to Gai's cheek. Another to the corner of his lips. And another- his now free hand sliding up to cup Gai’s check- soft and hesitant onto Gai’s waiting lips.

Now when Gai said it (loudly and often with a crushing hug) Kakashi ignored the looks he got from his students, friends, and civilians alike. They were not a  necessarily _public_ couple, but Gai now resided in the most precious parts of Kakashi’s mind. 

Like a grounding rock his face brought Kakashi back again and again from the brink of giving up, of giving in. To pain or to sorrow, when it all became too much he thought of what Gai had said so many times now.

I don’t want to die without you knowing. 

So he would hold on, struggle for breath around rushing adrenaline crashes so he could fight on, or pick himself up off his bathroom floor instead of spending the night there scrubbing his arms off and on in frantic fits. 

Like a grounding rock Gai brought him back, eased the pain and comforted the  loneliness that pressed itself into Kakashi’s bones like it was at home there; chased the demons from his home, his hospital bed, and from the battle field. 

I don’t want you to die without you knowing.

Until he almost did. 

The fire crackled at the now companionable silence where secrets had spilled moments before, his father watching him with tired soft eyes.

“I never said it back.” Sakumo nodded, sadly, and reached to hold his sons wrist in a comforting grip that said _I am here for you now like I was not before,_ _as_ _I failed you before, I won’t here_.

“But he knew, he knows.” His words so confident now Kakashi cried, tugged into his fathers arms, and mourned the fact he could never say it back- could never silence the screaming in his head long enough to even whisper the words.

When he woke, confused, and pulled himself out of the rubble of the battlefield it was the first thing he said into the confused air; “I love you.”  
The first thing he said, before Gai could even cry as the man hugged him close. “I love you.” Over and over, like he could make up for all the times he had not said it before.  Like a chant that would purify him of his sins, a confession of how much it had hurt before spilling out between the space of each word.

“I know, Kakashi, I know.” 

Pulled into a silent tent they s at now in each others arms, Gai asking him to say it again; and only grinning at Kakashi’s mock frustration.

“I love you, Gai.”  
“And I will not ever forget it.”


End file.
